Thursday, September 25, 2008

From the Mouths of Babes

Topher, age 2, said the family prayer tonight: "Dear Heavenly Father, thank thee for Jesus...and Bob the Builder..."

Current song: "Nobody," Five for Fighting

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Yesterday, I decided to trim my layers all by myself. Then I decided to do it with my hair wet, even though I always cut my hair dry. Sadly, I neglected to consider that when my hair dried, it would be shorter than I thought, and I gave myself some pretty awful bangs. Bangs make my face look chubby and young--in fact, if I parted my hair down the middle, I would look exactly like I did when I was 14. Awesome. Now if only I had those tapered acid washed jeans that I loved at that age. (I wish my sisters would have told me not to wear their old clothes since I am so much younger than them. Let's just say I preempted the 80s comeback...way back in 1998--I'm so fashion forward!)

Happily, hair grows. In 3 or 4 weeks, my layers will be the length I wanted them to be. And I still won't own tapered acid washed jeans.

Current song: "Better," Regina Spektor

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Avast, me hearties!

Arrrr ye all aware September 19th be International Talk Like a Pirate Day?

Current song: "Little People" from Les Miserables

Conspiracy Theory, or Like Father Like Daughter

For the past couple weeks, a political activist has been recruiting me to his cause--to purge the corrupt government in Utah and the nation. It has been both stressful and entertaining.

The first time I talked to him, the long-winded pest woke me up from a nap and took an hour and 15 minutes of my sleepy time to talk about Bramble's evils. At the 45-minute mark, I informed him that I had been taking a nap and wanted to get back to it, but he didn't get the hint--too subtle, I guess. In the end, all he wanted was my email address so he could add me to a political discussion group. I gave it to him, immediately setting a filter to route all the emails to their own little folder where they are out of the way. I actually read all the emails but with a healthy dose of skepticism.

He has some crazy stories about Bramble. My guess is that they have at least some basis in fact, and I think Bramble needs to be exposed for the creep he seems to be. However, I have only my one experience with the pompous senator and will not pass on hearsay that I cannot verify, especially since I suspect personal injury affects my informant's rationality.

Mr. Pesky Crusader called me repeatedly last week and emailed me when I didn't answer my phone for the third or fourth time. I told him I would call him the next day, but that, if he was going to talk my ear off, it would be on my time and not in the mornings before I get up or on Saturday night when I am busy having a social life. (I wasn't actually busy having a social life on Saturday night--I was preparing my Sunday School lesson--but, as I am 24 and single, I should have been at the movies or playing mini golf or something. No need to tell him that, though.) He wrote, "I mean to be very sensitive to your time needs. My first calls to people often go long because there is so much history that most people have never heard of." Lies! My phone call with him the next day was even longer than the first!

Then, last night, he wanted to meet me in person. Jellyfish that I am, I agreed. He said he likes to meet people face to face so they can decide whether to work with him or say, "This is not the man I talked to on the phone." Little did he think seeing him in the flesh would convince me that he is delusional.

The most ridiculous part of the evening:

"There's someone I want you to meet. Are you familiar with 9/11 Truth Theory?"

"I don't know the details, but I've heard of it." The theory posits that US government operatives blew up the World Trade Center to incite a war with the Arab nations.

"What do you think of it?"

"Well, my father is one of the most respected metallurgists in the country, and he wrote the definitive article on the collapse of the World Trade Center. And I tend to trust my father." Apparently, he didn't get the hint. Too subtle again?

He introduced me to Steven Jones, the ex-BYU physics professor and leading proponent of 9/11 Truth Theory (I can't decide what to link to, so just Google him), who immediately connected me to my father.

"Your father and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things."

"I'm aware." I miraculously refrained from saying, "That's because my father is a rational man and you are a fool."

"You say hi to your father for me. And tell him I was a bishop, too."

Brilliant. Way to win me over to your cause.

I have always considered myself much like my father, for good and for bad. At this moment, I became aware that my recent experiences have established one more commonality: people will listen to me because I am smart and honest, and I can trust myself enough to handle the criticisms and personal attacks from people who disagree with me. Another breakthrough to discuss in therapy!

Current songs: all of the London Calling album by The Clash, but "Guns of Brixton" in particular

Friday, September 12, 2008

I Think I'm Funny: Flag Football

I'm playing intramural flag football this semester. That in and of itself is hilarious to me. I spent most of our first practice laughing at the thought of myself flailing about in an actual game. I spent the second practice trying to make our coach Lucas laugh because he was acting way too serious to be coaching a lower division intramural team.

Lucas: All right, we're going to run a 2. Do you remember which one that is?
Lacey: In and out! In and out!
Me: Down and in! Down and in! The other one's a burger joint!

Lucas, inexplicably, found this sidesplitting.

Current song: "Insignificant," Janelle Lamb (yeah, you don't know her and won't find her on Google)

Monday, September 8, 2008

Solved Mysteries


Current song: "Flat Foot Floogee," Benny Goodman

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Unsolved Mysteries

Who names the hurricanes? I want that job.

Current song: the SPAM jingle (yeah, don't ask)

P.S. Don't forget to join the discussion on my new blog.

Tell All Your Friends!

I have a new blog. It is political--as political as I can stand to be, anyway.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


All summer, I have been asking for fewer hours at work. I only wanted 3 shifts a week, but I have been working 4 or 5 or even 6. When anyone can't come in, I am the first employee Nick calls to cover the shift. Now that we've hired a general manager, I am finally getting the minimal hours I requested: 2 shifts this week and 1 shift next week. I have started scheduling productive activities to fill my new free time so I won't inadvertently spend all day watching Law & Order reruns. (They always suck you in by starting the next episode while the credits are rolling from the previous one!) But it occurred to me tonight that I feel valuable at my job, and, knowing my irrational brain as well as I do, I anticipate feeling worthless in the next few weeks as I discover (gasp!) that Nicolitalia Pizzeria can survive without me. I guess, since I am prepared for the feeling, I should be better able to combat it. Still...

Current song: "Yeah," Usher (I actually hate this song, but, when I worked early morning janitorial at BYU, I always danced to it while I mopped the bathroom floors. It was on at a party I went to tonight.)

Friday, September 5, 2008


Shaant and I used to walk down the streets of Manhattan looking for Indian restaurants full of Indian customers or waiters on break speaking Italian to each other outside an Italian restaurant. That's how you know you'll get good food. Tonight, I was comforted to find that, even in Provo, I can get Chinese food delivered by a Chinese man.

Current song: Polonaise, Chopin

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Becoming Jane (not the movie, which I found lacking)

A few years ago, my British Novel professor told me I was like Jane Austen. I can't remember why he said it, but I do remember that I was offended for several class periods because I don't like Austen (blasphemy from an English major, I know). Her novels bore me. They are all the same. Tonight, however, finding myself in a situation that smacked of Austen, I felt some appreciation for her deft portrayal of Victorian manners and romantic intrigue.

I was driving with a new friend in my car (it may as well have been a horse-drawn carriage!). We were on our way home from visiting a (male) friend. I casually asked her what she thought of said friend--at least I sounded casual, though I was actually digging for information, which turned out to be easy to unearth. She admitted to having a crush (as she put it) on our friend and asked if I thought he liked her, too. I replied that I did not know him well enough to read him accurately and that the way to tell if a member of the opposite gender likes you is to observe whether that person treats you differently than others of your gender. She then explained that she thinks he likes her and how she can tell, and asked me what she should do about it. I told her that if I were her--not to say she should do this, but it is what I would do--I would be forward with him about it. We chatted about what exactly she should say, and she decided to call him when we got home. 

What makes this a truly Jane Austen experience is that I have a romantic interest in the man I told my friend to pursue! Now, I won't take my own advice in this situation because I have no reason to believe that he has interest in me, so to spill my feelings all over the table in front of him would be more of a risk than I am willing to take. From what she said, I think it plausible that he has feelings for her, but we will soon see whether she was only reading optimistically into insignificant details. She is supposed to report to me tomorrow.

Coincidentally, earlier tonight, one of my friends said, "Anna, pick a boy, and we'll set you up with him." I said, "I've already picked one, but I don't think he'll have me," to which my friend said, "How very Jane Austen!"

Current song: "I Could Write a Book," the one by Harry Connick Jr.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Politics? Me?

Last week, RaDene, Bramble's opponent in the upcoming election, came into Nicolitalia and asked Nick to have me call her (I wasn't working). Apparently, she wants me to get involved in her campaign. When Nick told me, I just laughed. Me? Choose to get involved in a political campaign? Definitely one of the funniest things I've ever heard! 

But I've been thinking about it. Nick said it could open doors I don't yet know exist, and Shaant, my best friend from back home, said, "Look, life just dealt you a way cooler hand than the one you've been playing lately. Besides, it's been a long time since you did something ridiculous." It's true, but the ridiculous things I used to do were more along the lines of spontaneously drawing big yellow smiley faces and taping them to apartment doors or baking cookies and sending them to friends on the other side of the country. Besides, after meeting Bramble, there's no way I'll vote for him--I'll vote for RaDene--but there's a difference between choosing to do something yourself and telling other people to make the same choice. So I read RaDene's whole website--including the part that explains how to pronounce her name. From what I read and from meeting her briefly, I could tell people to vote for her. 

I was worried at first that she doesn't have enough experience since she has been a full-time mom for so many years, but she has the educational background for politics and plenty of community involvement. And, you know, who is better suited for leadership than a person who can raise healthy, happy children and keep their family well enough in order to balance family and community activity? I know a lot of parents who can't do that (I'll bet we all do). Besides, it's not like she's running for President of the United States. As my roommate said, it's like that first "real" job--you apply for dozens of positions, and everyone tells you you need experience but no one will give you the experience. What you really need is to be an intelligent decision-maker, a fast learner, and a dedicated servant (in the best sense of the word). RaDene's community involvement and personal life convince me we should take the risk and break the Catch-22.

I suppose I should call RaDene now that I've decided to help her campaign. I wonder what she wants me to do. Maybe I'll just have to blog...

Current song: "Fa Fa," Guster