Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Do I like my job?
Can someone please tell me the real answer to that question? I think I might secretly hate my job, and by "secretly" I mean "subconsciously." Every time someone asks me how my new job is going, I say, "Oh, I love it," but I sound like I'm forcing down liver and trying to tell some young, unwitting child that it tastes good. Then I laugh and say, "I don't sound like I love it, do I? It's just draining." And I am sincere--I really do think I love it, but everything about my affect says otherwise. Today I woke up in a good mood (which was miraculous after my failure to apply any of my healthy coping skills during these several weeks of depression) but my good mood was ruined as soon as I listened to the voicemail asking me to work tonight. It's not like I had anything else to do. I cleaned the bathroom this morning, went to the temple, did laundry, bought groceries, and the only thing I planned to do this evening was clean the kitchen, so I'm not sure why I was so upset about working unless, of course, deep down in my soul, I hate my job. I don't know, I don't know.